Penalities against possesion of a drug should not be more damaging to an individual than the use of the drug itself. - President Jimmy Carter, October 2, 1977

Nancy Botta – poetry

Atavistic Violence.

(Before it mattered-)

I was a midnight ghoul
casting prayers and hexes,
leaving stains where I knelt
before an empty bed—

(But now-)

I smear lipstick
to find something holy,
I bare atavistic teeth
and take a bite of God—

(However later-)

I scream out filthy curses,
I spit out belligerence,
I roar out the names
of every motherfucker
that ever laid a finger on me.

Cotton Mouth.

I like a blank silence
and that I get too high
to hear words flare out—
I fog up windows
because I don’t want
angry spittle in my eye.

It’s okay to be lonely
and twist myself away
from nagging hands—
there’s no tension
in a bouquet of vapors,
just a softly unfocused smile



Generation Loss.

Generation loss of a happy moment—
sun and grass, watermelon smiles
loop back
cut the noise
record, let’s try that again.

Static glows from her head
and pitch shifts her voice
(the one you almost forgot)
when she pulls you in and says
“smile for the camera!”—
red juice drips off your chin
as you jostle pink meat
against white teeth and full cheeks;
beaming at a little red light
beaming like a little sun.

Generation loss of a happy moment—
sun nd grss, watrmlon smils
loop back
cut the noise
record, let’s try that again.


A cool milky moon
spills through an open doorway—
she drinks in silence.


I’ve slipped out of the static
but before I go
I just wanted to tell you that
I know that’s not me in there,
some derivative is wearing my skin,
pantomiming the idea of me.

I don’t remember when it began
I just know
that I became more defined
with each grey crested day-
on and on and on
a copy of a simulation of a facsimile of a reflection-
the generational loss of a magnetic tape
dissipated to a thin white line,
the bleed through of the waking world.

I’m not the one glitching anymore
and I know that now,
I know who I am
I am
free and vibrant
shimmering with obscene colors.